Tag Archives: elderly

Curing Loneliness with Bonnie and Clyde

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ftw3The Free Throw Wizard’s book

I had a dream last night:

I was kidnapped by an elderly couple.  They were so notorious about kidnapping people that they were nicknamed Bonnie and Clyde.  Then they kidnapped me, and I found out that they are really nice people.  I could see that they kidnapped people because they were lonely.  When I got the chance to escape, I did.  But the next time I saw them, I voluntarily got into their car.

Immediately, I recognized this as a dream about the retirement apartment where I live with Mom (my residence when I’m in the US).  It’s an independent living facility, which means that they provide no nursing care.  Basically, it’s an apartment complex with a communal dining room and lots of group activities.  Because we eat almost all of our meals together, we have developed a group of friends here.  Of course, there are some people that we are closer to than others, and there are some who we actively avoid (like the man who put a gift-wrapped tube of KY jelly into Mom’s purse on her birthday).

Loneliness is a universal plague, and even more so among the elderly.  Some of them have lost their spouse, some have lost their siblings, and some have even lost children.  And when all that loss is piled on top of the loss of normal faculties (hearing and vision), loss of health, and loss of independence, many become depressed.  Depression perpetuates and exacerbates loneliness so that it becomes an ever-more vicious cycle.

Today, I voluntarily let myself be “kidnapped”—twice!  The first was Benny, who always wears a Jesus cap, indoors and out.  He’s a sweet guy who loves the Lord and loved his wife.  They had been married for 52 years, when she had a catastrophic stroke and died a few years ago.  He’s never gotten over the loss.  When he talks about meeting Jesus face-to-face in a near-death experience, his eyes tear up.  And when he talks about his wife, the tears overflow.  But he’s always got a friendly word and a ready smile.

The second one was Fred, who always wears a basketball jacket and cap.  I had seen a painting up in the hall outside the Game Room, and noticed that his name was on it.  He had painted a church in Rome, so at lunch I complimented him on the painting because I knew it for a church in Rome even before reading the title.  He was very excited to have his painting noticed and recognized.  His wife died just before he moved in here as the very first tenant two years ago.  Then he told me something else about himself: he’s the Free Throw Wizard—he’s shot over 2 Million free throws without missing.  And here’s the really amazing thing about that: he shoots from behind a stack of boxes eleven feet high—he can’t see the basket.  In fact, he gave me his book titled Free Throw Wizard, and you can watch him on You Tube: Free Throw Wizard.

Here’s the thing: it only cost me a bit of time, but in both cases, I made these men happy just by being available to listen to them tell me their stories.  Sometimes you’ll meet a Free Throw Wizard, and other times, you’ll just help somebody find a reason to smile.  Either way, it’s all good.  And the bonus is that a good listener is never lonely.  God is good!  Now get out there and share His goodness with some lonely people.

The Wild Life

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The patriarch of my host family here in Hungary, Tibor, teaches earth sciences and is an avid naturalist.  There is a glass case in my room with a gem and mineral collection, including petrified wood, a shell collection, and a bug collection (I thankfully noted that they’re all dead).  Tibor had been teacher of the morning the day I arrived.  Unfortunately, I missed it because I arrived close to midnight.

Tibor likes to learn the English names for plants and animals.  The other day he approached me with a plant to smell—I knew it immediately: rosemary.  He brought me another one: basil.  But he stumped me on the third one, which I had never seen without flowers: oleander.  There are also several orchids around the house, and lots of flowers in the garden (where I discovered kittens first thing in the morning after I arrived).

There is a river that runs through their town, and just outside of town is the confluence of this river with another river.  He translated for me the names of the rivers: the Black and the White rivers.  He delighted to show me the rivers at their confluence and the river dam, where the fishing is good on the spillway and the dammed part is good for motor boating.  I saw several holes in the ground as we walked back to the car, and asked about them.  When I see holes in the ground, I think “snakes.”  But Tibor said that they are mole holes.  Given the large number of holes, I think moles are far more likely than snakes.

At the Summer Camp, where I’ve been helping out all week, there is another avid naturalist, Alexander.  Unlike Tibor, I think Alexander is strictly a hobbyist, but his passion for all things natural is obvious.  Since he doesn’t speak any English, Alexander had never approached me.  But since I have a curiosity about nature, I approached him.  Alexander brought an enormous telescope to church and had it set up in the yard during snack time.  It was equipped with a special filter for viewing the sun.  He showed me a book with a picture of sunspots and gestured at the telescope.  I looked through it and sure enough, there were several sunspots, just like in the book.

The next day Alexander brought a jar, and from it he produced a live bug about an inch and a half long.  He was letting the children touch and hold the bug (depending on their willingness).  I looked on, amazed as always at how children could touch something that I simply cannot bring myself to touch.  Seeing my curiosity, he approached me with the bug and held it out for me.  My body language made it obvious to him that I have a fear of bugs.  He tried to reassure me that it was harmless, and even if I had understood the words he used, it would have made no difference.  There’s something deep inside me, an ancient revulsion, that cannot be reasoned away.  I’ve faced all my other fears and conquered them all: flying, heights, public speaking.  But as much as I would like to conquer this last fear, there’s just something too ingrained to be overcome.

It’s not real, but real enough for me! EEEEEEEEK!

The following day Alexander came to me holding a bug that was four inches long—it was made of rubber.  He tried to get me to touch the rubber bug.  I couldn’t even touch it.  I understand that he was trying to help me overcome this unreasoning fear of bugs.  And I appreciate it, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch it.  He didn’t push it, but backed-off as soon as he saw that I couldn’t do it.  The bug had a suction cup on its belly, so he stuck it to his watch, and proceeded to show me other things he had brought: a plastic lizard, a wooden turtle, and several nature books.

The final day of Summer Camp, Alexander showed me several old calendars he had: calendars of Alaska, calendars of sea creatures, calendars of birds.  As he showed me page after page of wonders, he chattered as though I could understand.  What I did understand is both his passion for nature, and his kindness toward me and toward the children.

Last night Tibor had a surprise for me.  He took me to meet the town cheese-maker.  The cheeseman showed us how he makes the cheese.  He put a piece of aged cheese under my nose and was surprised to see how much I appreciated the smell.  I explained that I live in Italy, so I know that the stinkier the cheese is, the better it tastes.  He appreciated that.

Today there was a conference for the seniors of the church, at which Pastor H. Koraćs Gėza spoke.  I was told that I would have about five minutes to speak to them.  So of course I prayed about it, and here’s what I said:

Looking out here at all the gray hair, I am aware that many of you and your parents kept your faith in Christ under the oppressive rule of the atheistic Communists.  I have two things to say to you: First, I am deeply sorry that my country believed the lies of the Communists and did nothing to help you.  Secondly, I know that someday you will trade your silver crowns for gold crowns.  I am here to honor you for your faithful service to your Lord and mine.

To the young people here I say: learn from these elders, and share the love of Christ with everyone you know.

And finally, I would like to thank Pastor Gėza for coming.  It is an honor to meet you.

When Pastor Gėza returned to the platform, he observed that Christianity had actually flourished and grown under Communist oppression.  He said that Christianity now faces a far more dangerous enemy in the form of complacency.  I believe he’s right.

Tonight at dinner, Piroska, the matriarch of this family observed: today has been a day of spiritual cleaning.  Yes, indeed, it was!